Longtime Chicago-area family law attorney Raiford Dalton Palmer argues why the term “custody” is outdated, leading many divorcing couples into heated legal battles that could have been avoided. In his new book, which just hit shelves and is now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble in both the U.S. and Canada, Palmer has a fresh take on parenting rights – and explains why so much emotional effort and money is often wasted needlessly in battles surrounding children.
“The very words ‘custody’ and ‘visitation’ encourage a battle over children,” explained Palmer. “It implies ownership of children that can be ‘won’ or ‘lost’. Instead, lawyers and couples should focus on agreeing on parenting time and assignment of parenting responsibilities.” In his first book I Just Want This Done: How Smart Successful People Get Divorced Without Losing Their Kids, Money and Minds, Palmer says that parents who believe they may need to fight over “custody” of children are often surprised to find that they are in broad agreement on important questions like where the children should live or how medical decisions should be made, but the fear that they could lose control and that the other parent might ‘own’ the children leads them into expensive and emotionally draining legal battles.
In the book, which aims to help couples avoid the personal and financial toll of divorce, Palmer recounts the story of a client who found himself facing a legal battle that could take years and cost tens of thousands of dollars. Following Palmer’s advice, he avoided the fight by agreeing to let his wife have primary responsibility for raising the children while guaranteeing that he would get a say in important decisions and be able to spend quality time with his children.
“Many states are moving away from the word ‘custody’ entirely, using alternatives like ‘allocation of parental responsibility’ to defuse the tension and keep couples focused on the needs of their children,” he said. “That makes it easier to zero in on the key questions about where kids stay, how important medical or educational decisions are made and how much time each parent spends with them. The focus should be on the best interest of the children.”
Palmer says he decided to write “I Just Want This Done” after searching for a book just like it during his more than 20 years practicing family law. With more than 300 pages, he shares the best advice he’s gleaned from resolving hundreds of divorce cases by sharing real-life stories—the same advice he says he would give his best friend if he were getting a divorce. Palmer also candidly tells the story of his own divorce and how he and his first wife avoided a legal battle –and how the reader can do the same.
