Read the Amazing Foreword for the Book by Illinois Divorce Law Guru Gunnar J. Gitlin!
My friend and colleague, Gunnar J. Gitlin, J.D., AAML, is the foremost authority on Illinois divorce law. His masterwork, Gitlin on Divorce, is the “Bible” of Illinois divorce law.
He was kind enough to read the book, provide input, and wrote the Foreword. To say I am delighted and humbled is a massive understatement.
Here is the Foreword:
Several years ago, my daughter’s university in Chicago was in dire need of lawyers to judge their mock trial invitational tournament. I put out the “Bat Signal,” asking Chicago-area members of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers to volunteer for the two-day competition. Raif volunteered and I had the opportunity to judge with him. I learned that he had been a college mock trial coach. He was one of the best judges for the weekend, providing excellent guidance to these potentially aspiring lawyers. Raif brings with him a deep knowledge of trial practice, as well as an emotional intelligence that’s obvious from reading his book, or from simply having a conversation with him.
I’m a divorce lawyer, and I’ve written my own book about divorce law. (Mine’s geared toward fellow attorneys.) And while I was writing the book, I was also going through my own divorce. So I know what’s out there in terms of resources for people navigating a divorce. There is one thing lacking from all the websites and Q&A’s you’ve probably already stumbled upon in your Google searches: a practical guide for those going through a divorce that speaks to how to work with your lawyer to effectively navigate this most difficult time in your life.
Reading this book is not necessary for the simplest of divorces. It’s possible for divorce to be easy. But I have seen that sometimes what should be the simplest of divorces goes awry for reasons you might not anticipate if you’re going through a divorce for the first time.
Sun Tsu in the Art of War tells us: “If you know the other and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” From where you’re sitting, we lawyers are “The Other.” (Some translations even translate “other” as “enemy”.) If Sun Tsu were getting divorced in 2021, I think he’d start by learning the rules of the game that lawyers play by. Raif’s book begins by demystifying the legal profession: explaining how lawyers are trained, from law school forward. Understanding the mindset of your prospective divorce lawyers will help you choose the right lawyer and cost-effectively navigate your own divorce. Raif is a big-city lawyer, working in Chicago. But his entire book applies almost equally well to the rules of the legal game outside a large metropolitan area.
You may initially think that divorce lawyers are in the business of maximizing the number of divorces in the world. But, perhaps surprisingly, I Just Want this Done first focuses on whether reconciliation is possible. Divorce lawyers find that if you’re scheduling an appointment with us, you’ve probably come to the decision that a divorce is necessary, and has been for quite some time. The client’s instincts are often correct, and it’s usually too late. Yet as Raif points out, we divorce lawyers perform our duty best when we urge the client to first explore individual and marital counseling to clarify that divorce is 100% the best decision. In the case of a longer-term marriage, it’s a big question–a question of how someone wants to spend the rest of their life.
My cousin from Chicago once quipped, “I’d move to California, but I’d have to bring myself with me,” his own take on the Murakami quote “No matter how far you travel, you can never get away from yourself.” In the same way, once you’re divorced, you’ll still have a relationship with yourself. After all, Sun Tsu says you need to know the other and yourself to win the battle. If a divorce proves necessary, then counseling or therapy may help you see your past more clearly and understand how to more effectively move forward.
The Fourth Chapter in Raif’s book provides invaluable insight regarding how to choose the right divorce lawyer. From there, he addresses the partnership necessary for a good lawyer-client relationship. I will tell clients that lawyers and clients succeed or fail as a team: when the teamwork is seamless, in every encounter the client’s expectation will likely be met.
Raif then explores 20 “divorce myths.” Reviewing these can provide valuable insights for traps to try to avoid. Every divorce lawyer hears from time to time, for example, ““I Need to Teach My Ex a Lesson. It’s about the Principle.” This is a myth because when one is getting a divorce, it is time to focus on one’s own future, not to focus on “teaching a lesson” to the person who is divorcing. By understanding mindsets that one should strive to avoid, one can more effectively make decisions and try to engage in a reasoned cost-benefit analysis. And this, indeed, is the through-line of the book.
Chapter 7 of Raif’s book presents the “nuts and bolts” options regarding choices that can be made rather than simply engaging in “traditional adversarial representation.” There is a concept in cognitive bias that “if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Fortunately, Raif has in-the-trench experience as a litigator with experience in when and how to use alternative dispute resolution for cost-effective resolutions within divorce cases.
This book provides much more than some of the initial highlights. I will leave that up to the reader to encounter in this engaging book that reads nothing like any book regarding divorce that has been written before.
I Just Want this Done is a book that should be read by any sophisticated person wanting insights regarding how to work with their lawyer, how to understand the rules of the game and how to best make emotionally intelligent decisions in this most difficult time of your life. I cannot recommend Raif’s book more strongly!
